Identity Crisis
Last month was pretty awesome. I finally launched “Imani Says,” something God had been instructing me to do for so long. I was so overwhelmed by the support you all showed that I was in tears for days.
Also in April, I was asked to speak to two groups I’m a part of. I won’t lie. I initially resisted the first opportunity. I did NOT want to do it. I don’t consider myself a speaker. In fact, I am super intimidated at the thought of publicly speaking about things I’m not sure I’m even “qualified” to speak about. “Who even cares about what I have to say?” Still, I did it.
When I was approached to speak about forgiveness in a scripture writing group (shout out to Covered!), I was nervous, but I felt this overwhelming peace…as if Jesus was standing right there saying, “Go on.” I prayed and prepared for about a week and did it. It was amazing!
Then the whispers started.
Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. Those whispers of doubt that start to creep in when you’ve finally taken a leap. I started feeling like a fraud.
“Who are you to be out here writing about stuff you still haven’t even mastered?”
“Girl, you still have so much work to do.”
“Girl, have YOU even learned how to forgive people?”
The thoughts were cycling faster and faster each day, and eventually had me exactly where the enemy wanted me…stagnant and mute.
During the first week of May, I was on a weekly coaching call. During a conversation about healing and purpose, Holy Spirit said to me so clearly (it was actually kind of scary), “You’re not pretending to be something you’re not. You’re growing into the woman I created you to be.”
That statement has held weight since…
When you and God start spending quality time together, He starts rubbing off on you. You can’t help but to start mirroring the very thing He is doing in you.
What happens when you start to spend a lot of time with someone? You start to take on/exhibit some of their characteristics. You may even start to talk like them and act in ways you haven’t before.
Do you all see where I am going with this?
“You’re becoming more like me.” WHEW!!
I thought back to a teaching I heard in February by Pastor Adrian Davis. He said, “Without an identity crisis, we will settle for what’s beneath us.” I started to realize that, even though what I was being asked to do was unfamiliar and invoked anxiety, I was able to make the decision to do it because I knew in my heart that God needs more from me and wants more for me.
See, having an identity crisis isn’t a bad thing. When you’re having to balance between your former ways and embracing the “new thing” God is doing in you, it gets extremely uncomfortable QUICKLY. But let me tell you a secret: You’re in the right place.
While being in an identity crisis can be frustrating, we have to realize that it indicates that we have in innate desire to be a better version of ourselves…to continue discovering who God called us to be. My mouth was ready to decline both invitations to share my story, but my heart was telling me that it wasn’t an option. This was not about me. It was about my obedience to the call on my life. As we move along, we realize that we cannot make decisions based on what we think we can do. We have to make decisions based on the TRUTH of who God says we are. Eventually, the “new thing” becomes your new normal.
So, to anybody who is struggling with an identity crisis, be encouraged. Embrace the beauty in truly discovering who you are. God is so proud of you. I am, too.
